Code:
//start.user.life.cycle
if($get_os == "M$Win32"){
while($get_os == "MsWIN32"){
  functions(Learn.right.click && Click.and.drag);
  function(run.maxout.hd.&.CPU);
echo "give money to Bill";
echo "This is all there is";
echo "give money to Bill";
echo "Windows is awsome";
echo "Get Latest version";
}
}else if($get_os == "Linux"){
  function(Manual.parachute.good_luck);
  function(Learn.cmd.line);
  function(Learn.C.&C++.or.use.gcc);
  function(hate.MS.learn.lies);
echo "Windows sucks and is over priced";
echo "There is more than Windows";
echo "Update Kernel, update GUI, Tweek tweek tweek";
}else if($get_os == "BSD"){
  function(Grow_tired.of.linux);
  function(Learn.about.encryption);
  function(Learn.C.&C++.or.use.gcc);
  function(hate.MS.learn.lies);
  function(Linux.is.for.n00bs);
echo "Deamon fucks Tux in the ass";
echo "There is more than Windows and Linux";
echo "Blowfish is awsome, Configure TCP/IP stack";
}
else if($get_os == "OSX"){
echo "Screw all you guys I am in the corner by myself";
DIE();
}
else if($get_os == "Solaris"){  function
  function(Have.Real.Job);
  function(Learn.Sun.system);
  function(Get_VMWARE);
  function(Miss.Linux_tools);
echo "Quit caring who is n00b";
echo "I'm sysadmin";
echo "lock down root tight";
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