edited:

Benzene< Ammonia, Acetone, Tar...
Its just like inhaling exhaust from a car

Look at you, holding that cancer stick
you fucking smell, you make me sick.

I shouldn't cry when you die
Its not my problem whe your heart stops thumping

ITS YOUR GOD DAMN FAULT!

^ sounds to much like a poem, if anyone could help me create a short, funny song from this it would b great.

I edited my original song as well...

verse1:
she disappeared one day
i felt torn and strayed
she left me there, a lonely boy
what was I to say?

verse2:
she used me for a while
I just didn't care to know how
I loved her truely, then she screwed me
and im still pissed off

chorus:
so have a nice day
Hope you enjoyed those times
you really fucked with my brain
after that night
i wanted to end my life,
please stay out of sight
just go away

verse3:
she wanted to get with my buds
it really made me nuts.
I wanted her happy while I felt crappy
It made no sense at all.

verse4:
She teased me everyday,
she must have thought i was afraid
she made me nervous, she was gorgous
She was one hot babe.

chorus:
so have a nice day
Hope you enjoyed those times
you really fucked with my brain
after that night
i wanted to end my life,
please stay out of sight
just go away

just go away! just go away... go away..

sounds abit better. still awaiting more revisions to both.