Reuters reported on a story in Berlin, where a German bondage fetishist got so chained up he had to call police to remove his cuffs after he was reduced to waddling around helplessly like a "penguin," authorities said Thursday.
Officers sent to his rescue in the Western city of Aachen told him he should use a specialized establishment rather than practice at home.
Police received no answer from the house until the man appeared at a window and flung out the door keys with his teeth.
On entering, they were confronted by the sight of a heavily-chained man shuffling toward them on his knees with his head bowed, dressed only in shiny black leather and white socks.
"To visualize the appearance of the afflicted party, one would have to imagine a penguin of waist-height waddling with slightly protruding wings," Aachen police said in a statement.
"We thought it was a joke at first," the spokesman said. "But the chains were bound so tight with handcuffs he could hardly move anything apart from his head."
Police released the man using their own handcuff keys. It was not clear how the man became ensnared.
"We suggested in future that he go to places where that sort of thing might cost a bit more, but would definitely be safer for him," the spokesman said.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"