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How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look in the mirrior, look at your wiener and scratch your [censored].

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12.. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

Now thats some funny Sh*t, yet so true

Whoa...spot on. :x

Unless your shower is in the basement (unfinished), and it's [censored] cold, so you walk down to the basement with a parka, ear-muffs, gloves, etc. and turn the shower on blazing hot, then take off all your winter gear really quick and jump in before your weiner shrivels up like a prune. Oh yeah, I use one of those loofah thinigies so there.

Haha. I got that in my email a month ago. Very funny.

the really sad part is how true it all is especially the guy part (I grew up with only my dad, brother, and 7 male cusins. my only female cusins i didnt even know till about 3 years ago...)

that was funny, and so damn true. ice, can you e-mail me that so i can forward it to someone?

You could always just copy and paste

hehe that was pretty funny = )

So I'm not the only one who does that?

shinobi almost every guy i know makes fart noise in the shower, so no your not the only one who does that but all of us women wish u were...

I know I know. Then I would be wanted by all woman. Not just the hairy ones...... But ya know...Thats life......

And Icemyst, you mean to tell me you have never been in the shower with no one home and farted or made farting noises to see if it was as funny?

no i've never made farting noises but i have made animale noises among other things...

i used to make the farting noises with my armpits when i was in the bathroom. it amused me. but then again, i'm very much like a guy. i still think jokes about farting and pooping are funny

i think those jokes are funny too but i try to NOT be like my brothers...

(Random post used to kick my post count to 700)

Yay.

haha

wooo, shampoo mohawks are fun

I must be a mutant, because I never felt the need to make farting noises in the shower.

ur not a mutant but the exception and most girls like the exception disgruntled

Don't listen to her Disgruntled. Women love it when you give em [censored]. No matter how much they try to deny it. They do love it. Why do you think Icemyst is with gizmo!??

I wouldn't pick on IceMyst to much there shinobi, she might stealthfully sneak up behind you and give you a ninja wedgie!

heh icemyst is with my brother because he's the [censored], and you know it:/

Not to mention women love humor, truth, ethics, morals, and a half life to break all rules to be spontanious. That's animalistic in sorts. Men like the same in women I'm assuming, that most of you don't like your girl [censored] another guy, telling stupid jokes, breaking your [censored], or saying naw...I don't wanna [censored] right now...I just don't...or nah I once [censored] a underage [censored].

Role reversal for any aggrevated women out there, because it's just the same as if you replace said arguement with the male polar opposites.

We all live basically the same way, just in small differences that show big effectiveness. Liek this..we all have 99% the same dna, it's the 1% that makes you you, and me me. The same that makes bush him, and saddam in our custody. I'll hold onto my beliefs that their are women out there like...well kinda like sam, I know more names I could use, but no one here knows these other womenz. They are a sudo-h/p/v/a/c a woman that can adapt to the scene, in many natures, that likes control, feeds on anger, and loves to be spontanious at some times traditional at others. Aka a complex, but general woman, as in someone you can be a friend, a lover to, and trust. I've seen about in the lower 10's in my life, and I'm damn glad gizmo found sammy. Cause I care, and I know his pain. So seeing his pleasure in finding love...was...well...*wipes a tear*. Btw Yea...shin won't just get a wedgie from icemyst, heh not to mention what he gets won't just be from her, or from giz, but also from me ;/ I breath the same as my brother, and my sister in law and in life. I hold onto others that run from them after anything that offends them. Heh but of course shin is just jokin around:) I just am honest to a point of almost :| straight faced seriousness, then I breakout, and say something like....FART NOISES IN THE SHOWER? WAA? like...no I heh...*blush* sing in the shower, and sorta....*blush, look away*...dance...a little...:/ it gets better but that's a no know for ppl here. heh.

ok another reply, because my last kinda sucked, first sammy, heh animal noises eh? Kinky, I make growls, and barks sometimes. Heh. If that's weird good.

2nd..that whole shower thing is so [censored] stereotypical, why the sexs were ever divided I won't guess but since the gods make gemini two halfs they've been waring, bickering, and debating. wasting a [censored] alot of time, esp on things like not knowing what you want but choosing something anyway. Knowing what you want, but then not wanting it. All that [censored], it's simple, not complex, and ppl need to stop thinking all this difference is really needed. Were too alike, and too damn sexi together to not be self assured that it's all good.. anyway.

How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. (I bring in my folded clothes from my 1800s dresser, or from hanger, but fold them anyway, and place aside the sink on a dry spot. I then grab a towl fold it in 1/3's, and put it on the door hook. I take off my clothes....next step)

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. (heh already in the bathroom, I like privacy, plus I have no hamper, I wash my own clothes, do dishes, lots of house work, giz knows this as he's seen me do some wonderful house cleaning)

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups(yes...yes I look at my muscles, and my body, and think about working out, and toning. I admire my body too)

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. (got a sponge bob square pants sponge, a long bath scruber the ones that look like hair brushs. I need no face cloth I use my hands with neutragene, and 2 other acne cleansers/exfoliants/rehydrators, I have a poofy loofa, and I dunno what why a lava stone would be good, but maybe I'd get one if I knew:)

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. (I use finese, conditioner, some bath, and body works stuff, sometimes treetea, and sometimes peach or other fruit smelling shampoos. plus most have lots of vitamins:) cucumber is doesn't smell that good to me, but...they make sage shampoo maybe? without the cucumber? )

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
(yes double washing is good for many reasons, to make shure hair, and skin on the scalp is fully clean, sometimes one scrubing doesn't do, and also you get a half soft/clean hair feeling if you don't. but yea I got clean issues kinda too, so that part)

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
(once a week or month depending I'll condition extra with a special enhancer like that yes, but only if my hair gets uber dry, I have....well mutt hair, it's like brownish red. It's always soft, curled to the side, and it just doesn't need extra care like 1-3 feet of hair does:D

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
(4 different face cleaner/pore openers and such like I said, plus a cloth scrub once I'm out by the sink if needed, and yes until red. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 2, sometimes ten, we don't all have 3 hours for a shower when your in a rush sometimes. and um apple scrubs are better;P)

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
(I prefer dove nutriem, the fruit, and nut, and such body washes left me dry or coarse skinned in the winter, so I use that year round.)

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
(and facial scrub, or exfoliant/cleaner. also off inner ear, nose, ear lobes, back of ears(yea I didn't need teaching from my mom when I was younger, I always scrub my ears, and behind.) also the back of my neck, my chin, and front of my neck, full face, brow, lips sometimes too the exfoliant peels any small dead skin, like from I dunno my lips peeling at all. It also sometimes just helps the shade of my lips.)

11. Shave armpits and legs.
(unbenounced to alot of women I guess, some guys shave also. partially their chest, shaping, and heh not the legs, but you can try to guess. women have short army, and wrist hair in most cases. Most men are fine with that. alot of women like men who shave...esp not the legs;/ In bed. Other then that, alot of men will try something new their wife or girlfriend wants them to, so uh down under is an option, just like I know some women that don't shave their legs. really, to some men, that's sex, sometimes, and sometimes not. along with in other countries, and here, some women don't shave their armpits, and yes that can be sexi too.)

12. Turn off shower.
(nope first I cup water to clean all the fluffy soap off of the walls, and then I do the same to the curtain(which does have sticker plug things that hold it in place, and it is always lined up, and pressed perfectly during my shower start period, so no leaking of water kthx.)

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex (no need to squeegee off the wet surfaces because I have a fan that is really powerful, and I take REALLY hot showers, so as soon as I open the door like 30 seconds, it's all evaporated. The mold issue is do to collection of water if you leave on the fan till about 5-10 minutes after the bathroom mirror(if full) is unfogged, the mold is not a issue.)

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
(yea....I'm 6'8 ....I'd recomend myself using a towel the size of iraq, but when I get out of the shower I also have a towel from the last day that is with 2 or 3 others not yet washed, that is used ash a red carpet for my walk to the sink, I dry over it. Hence no wet floor. They are all 3 folded at all times at the edge of the shower for use. My shower also has a bath mat in it. but the wraping of hair is again the 1-3foot hair thing, mine is less then 1/4 of an inch so...heh after a few scrubs it's dry)

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
(yes check body for zits, moles, and any scratches, use lotion, and axe, hilfiger colonge, after shave(shave if wanted too, I keep it trim or styled, or shaved) tweezing...no need, my nose hairs don't grow, my eyebrows are...for lack of a better word just like my eye lashes...heh perfect...if that fits, many women, including family have commented on my eyelashes heh, longer then normal, and just well I like butterflies. so does my body. but I notice alot how off my freckles, nail colors, moles, beauty marks, and some veins are. I liek that, I liek any imperfections in my body. I liek it when ppl are honest like I'm being this whole time too, it makes me happy. But...it's [censored] kind of well that shy thing to share things)

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
(heh, no dress, but shirt, stylin boxers, sometimes a fuzzy cap, and jammies. then I procede to lay on my blanketed bed, with the lights out, and geek out. My jeans all folded with stuff into them lay on my lazy boy for use, next to my sox. my shoes out by the door.)

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
(heh I'm shy with my body usually so meh.)

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
(oddly no)

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
(no, and no wife, and no woo-woo, sept maybe a choochoo fourplay sexual thing;/)

3. Look in the mirrior, look at your wiener and scratch your [censored].
(I have no lack of size, or ugliness imo about my "wiener" so I have no need to look at all the time. Scratching my [censored]...I do very little.)

4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
(love the simple take, just wash, and get in.)

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. (if that's saying women don't clean their nose other then with tissues I'm scared of that insinuation. being that alergies cause buildup of coarse, and fine mucus in the back, and top of the nose. So if your not softening that with water and cleaning it there...what are you doing to clean it? heh tissues don't work..sorry...I've tried, you bleed. Also after showering I use three tissues alone, to cork screw clean my nose, yes...all of this is odd, or gross, or tmi if you want to say, but so's all the rest of this [censored], it's being hygenic, and if your not gonna clean your nose, then I don't wanna look up it, or have it wiped on my shirt:/ k?)

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
(as per said I make wolf, dog, barking sounds, I sing, dance, and sometimes hum. Also I tune my vocals in the shower. The warm water helps:\)

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
(what...your saying you don't? heh...ok now I might just get a little bit more scared. HYGENE IS OUR FRIEND! heh...really if your not taking the time to clean those millions of skin cells or whatever(alot of them hundreds of thousands or millions I forget), not to mention bacteria, and germs built up from sweat, and such. Then your not appreciating your bodies cleanliness or your partners during intercourse esp. Just cause it feels a little good to wash, heh that's a dualty, women..same, it's still hygenic, and needed.)

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
(I don't use hand soap, and I have very little of those "butt hairs", heh coarse..as if a man hasn't seen coarse hairs in a women's loofa before?)

11. Shampoo your hair.
(and condition, and a 2nd time like said)

12.. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
(heh If I could, I used to, but up, if your saying, a woman never shapes her hair or plays around with it during any long shower...ok then..)

13. Pee.
(heh, warm water, some women pee on men when cuming or orgasming, *shrug*, meh.)

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
(yea..that's the end of a shower, but I also clean like I said)

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
(heh, fully dry off, inside my ears, all over, the fan ads to drying moisture too. no water on the floor, as per said suction thingys, and arranging of curtain never fails, so no hanging out of tub)

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
(as per said, wiener is of sufficient size, and shape color..all that...so no need to admire, but yes on the checking testicles for lumps, just as women check for breast lumps...usually.)

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
(leave shower curtain open yes, closing it means the next person just has to open it, that's like the seat up thing, you leave it down, we leave it up, equal bargain, other then that I sit, and stand so blah. No mat on floor, towels, and as persaid very tidy. Light off, fan off once drying, and moisture recduction is done.)

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'sound again.
(no shirt, boxers, jammies, no flashing or shaking of "wiener", or train sounds, sept both in bed...sometimes, when playing, like growling,
biting, and rawring. no wife, no towel needed.)

19. Throw wet towel on bed.
(no throw self on bed next to laptop/pda, near lazy boy, semi moist towel goes folded with the others by the tub, or washed.:/)

Yea so that's too the whole populaus, not any one person, and um yea I'm a freak. Kthx in advance.

How IceMyst takes a shower:

1. tells gizmo that she's going to take a shower

2. 10 mins later after watching more tv turns shower on

3. tries to find cd to listen to cause the country station changed and now sucks.

4. 10 mins after turing shower on she finally takes cloths off & throws cloths on the ever growing pile of cloths) and hops in (side note, takes glasses in the shower if shaving. if not who cares if i can see)

5. sings along to japeness music that gizmo hates.

6. shampo's hair then soaps up then puts in conditioner (condition is only used on special occations cause it's expensive)

7. turns shower off and dries off (get bathroom soaking wet in the process).

8. puts new cloths on and air dries air.

9. tells gizmo to take a shower knowing there's only 5 mins of hot water left.

total time for IceMyst's shower 1 hour maybe more...

hell yea, hour showers are power showers:D I like long showers, you know, that shower problem my ex had, I so wish she didn't have. meh. Yar go go long showers, all about some heat, until the water goes cold then just turn it off, and slow dry.

the shower itself usally lasts 15-20 mins, it's everything else that takes forever

god, how could you so not have a wife? you are really a cool guy.

I usually get yelled at for using all the hot water.
But heh what's a guy to do?

I live alone so I don't have to worry about using all the hot water if I want to spend 4 hours in the shower I can! HAHAHA!

I live with 3 other people, so I don't have that luxury.

that sucks there is nothing better than having a nice long shower, and not have to worry about anyone bitching that you used all the hot water. Which is good.

I live with two other people, but one's never here, and the other doesn't shower often. Hot water's all mine, buahahaha. :X

well shelli, I dunno. I used to know what I was looking for, what I was waiting for. Now my brain, my cognitive searching is like professor x's cerebro, constant quick, sharp precise movements. Plus...I have some pretty [censored] up ex stories, not for this forum. But if you wanna chat on the irc sometime I could explain more heh:) In short I had a few chances in my life to be with the right woman for me, and I choose the moral route because I was with someone. I've had some g/f's with some serious issues, and I'm pretty different from most men I've found out. Mostly from what I've gathered now, women know what they want, and they want it. But it's not what they really want. Because they really don't know what they want. Just a perception of it. Which in short in a intelligent caring males mind is actually the exact same. Meh, maybe I really don't know the answer to that;]

I guess the answer is I'm not a cool guy, I'm cooler then cool, ice cold. So the women in my life tend to be in my life, but not fully, because of...fear..or...I dunno, my last ex gave me the perception that things were wrong, but done to like the stubborn guy stage, I'm talkin like quite, depressed stage wouldn't let me inside her. I know what people go through, I have the expierence. I guess I just have this gemini ability to communicate, and attract. But people have a problem with giving to me, and teaching me. I have lots to learn, and I really don't know what I want. Just that perception, so as I close my eyes, and imagine the day I meet a woman that will love me unconditionally, and imagine our lifes together...I'll just open them, and go shower because fantasies seem to be brief, and short lived in a reality of which women, and men are so closely linked, yet fight that fact with every ounce of passion. *sigh*

Man I understand what you are saying on so many levels it aint funny. It's like every relationship I've been in, I would treat that woman like she was a queen, but something always seemed to be missing. And theres always so much emotional baggage to have to deal with. Hopefully one of these days I'll find the right woman and things will all just click into place. Until then I keep searching.

oi yar=(

hummf, you guys, i do understand exactly what you are talking about. the guy im with now is 10 years older than me, has been hurt beyond repair by his ex's, and suffers from a lot of emotional stuff from his military days(ex pow). when we first met, yea, sex was frequent, um any physical contact. then as the honeymoon period started to wear off, i began noticing how he would kinda shy away from certain physical things, like hugs, touching in general, for awhile i was so hurt, even though he assured me, it was because he just wasnt used to it, i found that with time and a lot of serious heart to heart talks, and TRUST, he finally started to open up a little. we have really been through a lot together emotionally, he almost died last year from pneaumonia, i thought i was really going to lose him, it was so hard on me. but now we have been together almost 4 years, and after awhile you learn alot about a person, we both have our [censored] up moments, but we always come back to talk about it, even if it pisses us off, we still talk about things afterwards. there are somethings that we will never agree on, but we can at least agree on not bringing that particular thing up between us. a lot of things come with maturity, alot. patience for one. anyway, just keep being yourself, dont ever try to change for another person, do it for yourself only.

I'm always myself, yar I'll keep being me, but patience is a virtue. Virtues are granted, not gifted, they are gathered, and gained. People can't just trust overnight, and when you learn to trust a few ppl, and all of them lie. Then the ppl that were your friends that you trusted less turn out to be better to trust...ya..it gets..[censored] up. Then when you have friends that you trusted, and learn you shouldn't have. Trust is not just something so simple for me, it IS really gained. It's more important then love, or sex to start off in a relationship for me if that shows how much. Sex is then next, but love usually just falls in. I usually don't have to work on love, in most great relationships I've had it's the same with my girlfriend. But marriage....honeymoon, kids...all these things I started thinking about, all these things ppl started talking about once I reached like 12. It went made up in how many ppl, and how much, as I got to liek 16-18. I think [censored] THAT, I'm 22, I'm to young to get into any of that, if this is really gonna be this hard for me. I didn't think it would be this hard to find someone for me someone that I'd be for. But it became apparent bit by bit that the complexes of sex, relationships, love, trust, and it turns out how women like to treat nice guys that really [censored] over my whole beliefs yet again. This is something that's followed me in life, I was always told it's this way, life, sex, work, kids. Bull [censored] [censored], maybe I'm a rare psychi, or person or whatever, but [censored], billions of ppl have that. I know, I feel, I can, but I don't have because every move I make, every breath I take is wronged back on me. That's how it feels, that's how it feels to me fully in my mind to be used, [censored] a whole bunch of specifics. I want simplicity, I don't want a game, or matching this, and that. I don't want to be something I'll be at 30-50 when I'm [censored] 22, too many ppl at my age, and below have taken that a quick life. Parenting, for one reason or another. But that's not me. Simplicity should not be THIS [censored] HARD. You try for years, and fail. What's the next best thing, with this bad luck. Maybe just moving out of the country, becoming a nomad, and trying out each different area. See if I belong somewhere, where I'm not just being told it, but I see, feel, and hear it with my soul. Kinda like my ex told me things, but it was empty. I could feel it, after a while, her staring off into nothingness, sad, depressed look on her face, the first time your girlfriend when your this young says no she doesn't wanna have sex(most guys not married don't ask alot, they just do. I do, but I also ask. When it's obvious for a emotional reason, and she says no. Then you want to talk about it, and it's never talked about...among tens of other issues, there's like no way you can figure out in your head why this is going on. I'm a good person, I know what I am, and am not. But when someone you love, ignores you, turns away, with all that trust, can't open up to say what's up. Asks you what you like, and when you don't know, so you ask they they have no answer. It's like yea...a teacher playing the part of a student, and a student just being plain ole. Not to mention giving, not receiving, receiving, but nothing being allowed to give, physical issues. WHY DO PPL BRING THIS [censored] INTO A RELATIONSHIP...deal with it at the door, deal with it in the bed, deal with it whereever. BUT DON'T LET IT FESTER. Heh, and don't ignore it like yea it's there but I'm not sharing it with you, if and if that is...you say you love someone.

[censored] [censored]...now I'm all riled up...I need sleep...sooo bad...and I can't sleep....

Though, I don't really think I'm "relationship" material, heh, I'm like a kid, huging his pillows to his laptop, sitting in indian style, typing on his laptop on a futon. All lalalaing to german streams, drinking diet soda, and eating white fudge oreos. Liek..I'm a kid...in a 22 year olds body, and I'm to fanciful about love/sex/relationships so maybe I should start to get all real...but that's not me. Ever notice...it's Rela tionships, rela pronounced REAL, tion into I think it means, ships means voyages I'm guessing? heh:D

hmm
im a girl but my shower takes at the longest 20 minutes. When I take of my clothes, i chuck them onto the sofa in my bedroom or i carry them with me into the bathroom (mostly chuck 'em on the couch)
I get my legs, arm pits and bikini zone waxed so no need to shave.
I wash with coconut oil washlotion. My hair is gets washed with L'oreal Shampoo and conditioner.
I dont sing in the shower nor in the bath.
My hot water goes on forever.
And after getting out of the shower, i walked naked to the bedroom.
Why the hell take longer then needed in the shower???
hmm...

mmm...what are you wearing? :X

hahaha...

I strip on my way to the bathroom, make a few woo woo noises as i close the door. I then proceed to crank the radio up and turn the shower on hot and op on in. Work up a good lather on my lufa with my dove soap and then wash my manhood and parts...

Then I proceed to lather up my hair with my pantene pro v shampoo and rinse, then rewash then add in my pantene conditioner.

Then I hop out, go upstairs and grab some cloths then walk around the house dripping dry... it pisses icemyst off lol..

damn strait it pisses me off! water every where!

lol woo woo giz:D lol Jalize, I take longer, because I'm 6'8 my body is liek...50% larger then the average bear:-D I also use alot of stuff to keep from breaking out, too keep my skin not dry, and not oily. But fleshy colored, and flesh feeling/condition. I do this to my whole body though, so mostly my whole body is like that all the time. I liek hot showers, their sexi. I also liek for my muscle to melt down, and loosen their hold on my bones. I have spinal pain, back, arms, neck all do to size/height. I have good posture. It's just that I'm freakin big, and I also have never gotten massages, chiropractic, quai gong, or acupunture therapy. I have pain daily but I've built up a tolerance, and learned to deal with it/correct it bit by bit myself. well liek...my leg...just one of the....*gets yard stick*....*jumps back in bed* is more then 40 inches from heel bottom to the top of my [censored]. That's about 4 feet almost:/ that's one leg:/ heh...so in short, I turn on the music, I steam up the room, I need to cool it down, I use a fan, I clean a little after, I orginize my stuff all over, because I like clean, non-smelling, non-dirty, free of bacterial places. Kinda like something I heard a while back 49% of all household toothbrushs hold microbacterial feces. Yea...so I tend to liek things like steam, and cleaners/soap. I tend to liek my body lickable. Because face it, if I've licking all up on someone I don't think it would be hard for me to notice bacteria, infections, dirtyness, smell. People sweat, we must understand were human. But hygene has been around since medeval times, people should better themselves more often imo. Most of the time I like two showers a day, sometimes my water system can't support that, dishes, clothe washing, all that. Not to mention other's showering.

I thought it obvious why ppl did these things, I guess it's not. But I personally have found it nice to shower, have sex, and then shower again. Rather then have sex, then shower. Esp after sleeping. Sometimes pheremones, and sweat is sexy. But there is always a obvious definer their too. But I'm weird too, I don't mind hair, or pheremonal differences from people not knowing that term is true "You are what you eat", I dunno, I eat nuts, fruits, frutose, water, some beef, noodles, little veges at all, and light cheeses once in a rare while. I just know what in life I love, and what in life I live with. Somethings people don't have to live with, they have choice for a reason. Along with freewill. All just imo I guess though;/

what i was wearing? wtf?

btw
Showering alone sucks. I like company; male or female just someone.
And Bathing is a lot more fun 'cause of the bubbles...

talk about off topic. hummff.:?

yeps
thats why it in off topic...

Forgive him. He goes to school at a major sausage factory, hasn't seen a girl in weeks. So he has to get his jollies from imagining girls from their posts on computer security bulletin boards.

Well this starting go from Off Topic to weird..... Everyday you people start to scare me more and more.

The creepy thing, is when I read this post, I kept hearing it in Patrick Bateman's voice like the opening scene to American Psycho. Try it.... its freaky

thats very great to know that what I wrote has that effect... :p

i think they were talking about the wax job:)

Welcome to the wonderful world of the wierd.

Wow! down boy.

waxing..very nice subject to talk about!

I think this topic has gone on far long enough..... The replys don't even seem like complete thoughts anymore....

and when has that ever mattered shinobi? we're all thinking about JalizePhere's body. he he he. so it should be all good

then why not start a new topic, named:
"JalizePhere's Body" ?

hmm Perg, your a geek:) sausage factory lol.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by unreal:
mmm...what are you wearing? :X
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what i was wearing? wtf?
--

Jalize It's unreal asking about the clothes you were taking off.

....ok seriously I thought Linkin Park - Numb was ejeet. But got damn, I'd never seen the video...:X that [censored] is uber elite. I love nyc though, and paris. I dunno that whole video is just fear.

LMAO ok, and a mentos ad just came on as I'm watching it with no sound, this guy is watching his date get ready in the bathroom through a mirror, and tests his breath. Then he pops a mint, and breaths in her dogs face. Heh....to my surprised the dog jumps him, and full mouth starts making out with him, then she all walks out with this Wtf suprised look on her face to see this lol. Liek...your making out with my dog!
lol

Jon
--
The creepy thing, is when I read this post, I kept hearing it in Patrick Bateman's voice like the opening scene to American Psycho. Try it.... its freaky

--

well I feel that I really hear it in a dr seuss type of a voice.

--

I get my legs, arm pits and bikini zone waxed so no need to shave.
I wash with coconut oil washlotion. My hair is gets washed with L'oreal Shampoo and conditioner.
"I dont sing in the shower nor in the bath."
My hot water goes on forever.
And after getting out of the shower, i walked naked to the bedroom.

--

all that's missing is like, some more ejeet rhyming.

but thanks jon;P You made me deep laugh, which I really...hardly do anymore;| which is sad because I mostly cry.

--

btw
Showering alone sucks. I like company; male or female just someone.
And Bathing is a lot more fun 'cause of the bubbles...
--

lol, anything alone is suck. it's like being invisible in a beautiful place like italy, france, or ireland, even new zealand;/ para. Imagine that heh. What the real question is, is if the bubbles are coming from the two people, and that's why it's more fun?:X
Yea well I think a bath or shower could be more fun, with another person, just cleaning each other. Dunno why it has to get erotic, it doesn't. But if it does, and yes we are animalistic. Then o well, people lose control every day. Another analog is swiming in the atlantic with someone or without, no way to get home. That's what it's like, trying to find someone, what it's like to lose someone, love someone, take chances, get shot down, get caught in a under tow yet somehow make it back up because you just won't give up. I guess some people sink, and some swim. meh, btw my ex didn't like to shower, bath with others. So I never expierenced that, and my ex was my closest relationship yet so bla. *bites tongue* really...I dunno how that happened...but it hurt. heh, there's alot of things she didn't liek.

Onward to showering, I cleaned all of the bathroom a few days ago, all being scrubed, and cleaned. Then showered in the steam with the fan, and fumes heh. Steam is the best type of cleaning imo. It's pore opening, and just heh..well I lose pounds sometimes when I shower. In liquid form that's good cleansing. Btw I stopped believing all these statistics, and tests a long while ago. When I randomly noticed that all that [censored] has been said before, and done the same way with a small group of meaningless people compared to a bigger picture. Pretty much every testing is the same "testing shows that people that cough, because they inhale are more likely to develop lung cancer from 2nd hand smoke, then smokers themselves". If I did a test the same cheap, meaningless way any other place does I'd have the same [censored] up examples of why when you don't do it right you just cause mass histeria, and confusion. [censored]...yet still idiots quote these things to seem intelligent, to back up their useless garble, and to basically not have to get their toes wet to justify reality. Meh...useless to ramble over, people will never change, it's too feared to.

lol not that type of bubbles!!! bubbles meaning Bubble bath, the lotion stuff that one puts in the bath and loads of bubbles come.
'Tis very relaxing.

In order to have a topic about Someones body we need to have a picture of said persons body in order to feature in the topic.

Shouldn't that be a new UGN rule? hehehehe

ha ha ha
talk about dirty... :oI
But yet again, why not?
no, I would of course n-e-v-e-r do that.

it puts the lotion on the skin!

the bubble bath? Sure it does...
I really want to have once in my life a bath tube full of milk and a dash of honey.
It is said that it is very healthy, yet again it costs a bit of money, which in my opinion I could give out for food... I can eat all i want and I dont get fatter
I thank my mums genes for that.
My fathers mother is a "big mama". I never, ever want to look like that.
But back to the topic
I have been think of makine some Act Photos (nearly naked but not naked photos)
My mum nearly decided as I told her that, to begin a crime.
Charges: Murder

Still alive, meaning I am still not allowed to do those photos.
Nor am I allowed to colour my hair bright pink,
Or get my nose piecerd. I was in this Indian trip, got my all does up with such a beautiful culture *sigh*

But when I have to tell the truth,
I never >really< wanted to go pink OR get my nosed piecered, just all phases.
I wanted once a tat2, decided not to because of the MRIs. If you have a tat2 it is said to hurt like hell when u have a MRI picture/x-ray done!

Dont need that kinda extra pain.

I think I have started to rant and rave so i'll just send it

Well since you crushed my hopes of ever seeing a Females body, I should close this topic!! *Flexes his abuse of power* But I won't because you people are all I have!!!!

*Tosses a bolt of lightning at Shinobi's feet* Don't even think about it. :x

"it puts the lotion on the skin, "
lmao *almost pisses self*

cartman said that while playing with baybay on southpark.
it ends with "or else it gets the hose again."

If I remember correctly it's from the movie "Silence of the Lambs" where this psycho dood sends lotion down to a girl in a hole. Heh.

So...I think Icey was making a joke:X

"lol not that type of bubbles!!! bubbles meaning Bubble bath, the lotion stuff that one puts in the bath and loads of bubbles come.
'Tis very relaxing."

Thas soap;/ and bubbles can be those type of bubbles too:X if ppl are all about some animalist funness in the tub:\

It is relaxing, but so is making wet, greasy, flopping, slippery, love in water:D:X

"I really want to have once in my life a bath tube full of milk and a dash of honey."

That's been in a few movies, heh, that's alot of milk btw, in movies they use something else. There are powers, and liquids/beads that case the same feeling/effect. Some tingle the skin, some make it glow, and such. Liek the fact is your not thinking you have to refrigerate milk:X So if you want a warm milk bath, your going to have to boil milk, bit by bit, and fill a tub. By then it's already cold. If you keep milk out a few hours, to cool it, then pour it in a tub heh...well by the time you pour all you need, and get in....there should be a starting rank smell, or it should be ripinging a bit. So then...you'd need the honey, and then you'd be
smelling like bad milk:X LMAO I don't like to rain on ppl's perades, it's just say you had a boyfriend that wasn't very intelligent, and
you shared with him you wanted that done. Then you'd be yelling at him for something he himself didn't even have the brain cells to think about:D:X

"It is said that it is very healthy, yet again it costs a bit of money, which in my opinion I could give out for food... I can eat all i
want and I dont get fatter I thank my mums genes for that. My fathers mother is a "big mama". I never, ever want to look like that.
But back to the topic I have been think of makine some Act Photos (nearly naked but not naked photos) My mum nearly decided as I told her that, to begin a crime. Charges: Murder
Still alive, meaning I am still not allowed to do those photos. Nor am I allowed to colour my hair bright pink, Or get my nose piecerd. I was in this Indian trip, got my all does up with such a beautiful culture *sigh*

But when I have to tell the truth,
I never >really< wanted to go pink OR get my nosed piecered, just all phases.
I wanted once a tat2, decided not to because of the MRIs. If you have a tat2 it is said to hurt like hell when u have a MRI picture/x-ray done!
Dont need that kinda extra pain.
I think I have started to rant and rave so i'll just send it"

Healthy yes, the bit of money is because of what was said, what they have to do to get a bath of milk, just liek a tub of mud:X

Freakin ppl really never get that I guess...MUD DRIES! lol. I tank my parents for their genes two 6 cultures 3 from each. I'm genetically a mutt like Inuyasha, I have many good abnormalities, and bad. But I weight my imperfections as good. About the eating, and not getting fatter thing, that's called your metabolism:D I had a bigger one when I was 12-16, I ate truck loads of food.

Heh now I work out a bit, and other then that my metabolism is still ok. I just watch it. Esp since I've lost a bit of weight. Gotta be happy with yourself. Because in about 2-5 years that metabolism will shrink, and gaining pounds will be easy.

That's one reason young models do better I'd imagine, the whole drugs, anorexia, and bulemia that goes around doesn't happen...as much...heh I know it does even at young ages..just saying. Nothing wrong with big women either:\ I liek all kinds of women, myself.

So your Saying your mom would kill you if you did risque pictures, died your hair pretty much any color, but pink is the worst, and no piercings heh. I kinda had the same rules as a kid, don't harrass women, don't dye your hair till your old enough that we think you are to handle it, don't get piercings till your 18 heh. That's the same with tatts, and I've seen some ppl from ink on their skin in electromagnetic fields cause a mild amount of pain, but nothing heh worse then getting a tatt itself, which unless it's on bone isn't that bad. Ppl exagerate things, don't understand but spread them alot *kinda like young men, and virgins* heh, and they also start urban legends.

So that's normal, so are phases:D Ppl go through countless ones in life. The biggest being about every 12 years, sometimes 10. sometimes 20. It depends on the persons constitution. I wanted black hair I dyed my hair black, I wanted a eyebrow piercing I got one, I wanted a tongue piercing I couldn't get one, because that piece of skin under my tongue was too tight when I was born, and wasn't clipped. So now it costs $400 to get done:X Insurance doesn't cover it either

I think that's about all I have to say about that.

shinobi, your time will come *pats shinobi on the shoulder*