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#25116 - 01/22/04 01:39 AM showering
Girlie Offline
UGN Super Poster
***

Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 908
Loc: In your dad's bed...
How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look in the mirrior, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12.. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.
_________________________
boys lie.

<sintax>
No we do not!!!!
</sintax>

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#25117 - 01/22/04 01:46 AM Re: showering
HighLander Offline

*****

Registered: 03/07/02
Posts: 270
Loc: Canada
Now thats some funny Sh*t, yet so true
_________________________
Unless you try something to which you have not already succeeded ~ Then you shall NEVER grow

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#25118 - 01/22/04 02:08 AM Re: showering
unreal Offline



Registered: 03/01/02
Posts: 860
Loc: KCRQ
Whoa...spot on. :x

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#25119 - 01/22/04 07:08 AM Re: showering
dashocker Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/02
Posts: 524
Loc: Cornfields everywhere...
Unless your shower is in the basement (unfinished), and it's fucking cold, so you walk down to the basement with a parka, ear-muffs, gloves, etc. and turn the shower on blazing hot, then take off all your winter gear really quick and jump in before your weiner shrivels up like a prune. Oh yeah, I use one of those loofah thinigies so there.

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#25120 - 01/22/04 07:58 AM Re: showering
Infinite Offline



Registered: 03/09/02
Posts: 1041
Loc: Canada eh
Haha. I got that in my email a month ago. Very funny.

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#25121 - 01/25/04 02:56 PM Re: showering
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
the really sad part is how true it all is especially the guy part (I grew up with only my dad, brother, and 7 male cusins. my only female cusins i didnt even know till about 3 years ago...)
_________________________
*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .

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#25122 - 01/25/04 05:55 PM Re: showering
shelli Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/03
Posts: 60
Loc: mars
that was funny, and so damn true. ice, can you e-mail me that so i can forward it to someone?

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#25123 - 01/26/04 02:15 AM Re: showering
pergesu Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 03/14/02
Posts: 1136
Loc: Pimpin the Colorizzle
You could always just copy and paste

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#25124 - 01/26/04 02:49 AM Re: showering
Ice Offline
UGN News Staff

Registered: 11/29/02
Posts: 1146
Loc: Canada
hehe that was pretty funny = )
_________________________
Good artists copy, great artists
steal.

-Picasso

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#25125 - 01/26/04 10:32 PM Re: showering
Shinobi Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 390
Loc: Asheville, NC
Quote:
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
So I'm not the only one who does that?
_________________________
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

Tech Ninja Security

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#25126 - 01/27/04 07:42 AM Re: showering
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
shinobi almost every guy i know makes fart noise in the shower, so no your not the only one who does that but all of us women wish u were...
_________________________
*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .

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#25127 - 01/28/04 06:13 AM Re: showering
Shinobi Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 390
Loc: Asheville, NC
I know I know. Then I would be wanted by all woman. Not just the hairy ones...... But ya know...Thats life......

And Icemyst, you mean to tell me you have never been in the shower with no one home and farted or made farting noises to see if it was as funny?
_________________________
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

Tech Ninja Security

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#25128 - 01/28/04 08:44 AM Re: showering
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
no i've never made farting noises but i have made animale noises among other things...
_________________________
*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .

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#25129 - 01/28/04 08:59 AM Re: showering
fleshwound Offline
Member

Registered: 03/10/02
Posts: 536
Loc: CO
i used to make the farting noises with my armpits when i was in the bathroom. it amused me. but then again, i'm very much like a guy. i still think jokes about farting and pooping are funny
_________________________
"when you look around, you can't tell me honestly you're happy with what you see"

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#25130 - 01/28/04 10:36 AM Re: showering
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
i think those jokes are funny too but i try to NOT be like my brothers...
_________________________
*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .

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