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#5544 - 10/29/04 10:10 PM Work
Spyrios Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 03/15/04
Posts: 419
Loc: VA
I titled this thread work because basically this is what it is about, but it also covers relationships, and money.

Here's the story, my wife is an assistant director at a child development center. She has a Master's in Education Leadership and Advocacy, and 10 years experience. The director of the center just took another job within the company thus leaving here spot open. If my wife were to interview for the job and get it she would be gauranteed at least a $15000 a year pay raise an up to $20000. Sounds great right? Wrong She doesn't want to take the job, "Because it
is to much responsibility," and she wouldn't enjoy it. So...I told her fine if she didn't want the job then she didn't have to take it, but she would not have the right to bitch about money anymore because she has an opportunity to increase our household income by a third and she won't do it. I also told her that as a man and the head of the household I was envious that she could just throw away $15000 a year more money, because if it were me in that position she would expect me to take the job.
So here is the debate part:
1) Am I being unreasonable when I say that since she is not going to even attempt to get this promotion she has no call on bitching when we are short between paydays (to clarify we always have what we need, and so do the boys, but usually not a lot extra.

2)Is it sexist to say that as a man, I would not have a choice as to wether to try for the promotion or not.

I say debate because I'm sure that men and women will feel differently on this.
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#5545 - 10/30/04 01:38 AM Re: Work
dashocker Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/02
Posts: 524
Loc: Cornfields everywhere...
Interesting question so I'll answer...
I don't think she has a right to bitch about money if she doesn't at least try for the promotion. It doesn't make much sense: you say your budget is pretty tight yet she has no ambition for advancement? Personally, I think if you were in the same situation she would probably expect you to try for the promotion.

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#5546 - 10/30/04 06:41 AM Re: Work
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
from a women's stnad point you wife needs to shut the fuck up and take the promotion. fuck being happy now. you guys wont be finanically staped and she could save up to do something better plus that's a really good thing to have on your resume. if i was you i'd be smacking her upside the head and ask her wtf she's smoking. i would give anything for a promotion even though in my line of business it would only be an extra dollar more an hour (that would put me at $9/hr). I mean shit $15,000 is all I make in a year and she would be making that much more! holy fuck!

I feel that man or woman, if you need the money and it's from a promotion that granted wont make you too happy you should still take it. How many people are actually happy with their job in the first place. You might as well make some good money while your at it.
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#5547 - 10/30/04 03:45 PM Re: Work
Girlie Offline
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Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 908
Loc: In your dad's bed...
AND from a different womans point of view (sorry Icemyst heh) I think that you should be understanding of her decision, because afterall it is her job. If she were to take the job so that you would be in a better situation fincancially it sounds as though she would be a lot more stressed at home-and you could be sitting in a courtroom a year from now regretting trying to talk her into taking that promotion. It all comes down to this: If taking on extra responsiblities would cause too much stress on her to the point of where your home life might change because of it then I say don't take the promotion. Afterall, money isn't everything. Yes I can understand you saying that extra money would be a huge help to you both, but is $15,000 a year really worth that happiness of you and your wife and possibly your marriage? That is a decision that only you can make, and if she thinks that the job is going to be a burden such as I'm describing apparently she is picking you over money, and you should roll with that. However, you are right if she doesn't take the promotion she doesn't really have much right to complain about not having enough money...a little word of advice though, if she doesn't take the job and still bitches about money try not to throw that in her face every chance you get because it won't help matters any. heh.

To answer your second question...you always have the right to choose your own destiny. If you were up for a promotion you could turn it down because ultimately that decision comes down to you and only you. I can tell you from experience that my soon to be ex was in the same situation and didn't want to take the job, so I told him not to. Said job made $6 MORE an hour and had a good possibility of getting overtime, but he said he didn't want to do it...so he turned it down and we went on with life. So...if you get a chance to take a promotion that you don't think you can handle and your wife bitches just remind her how caring and considerate you were when she turned down a promotion she didn't think she could handle.

Of course you may not want to take my advice considering I failed miserably at the whole marriage thing no matter how hard I tried, but that's my 2 cents anyways--do with it what you will.
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#5548 - 10/30/04 08:29 PM Re: Work
Defcon Offline
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Registered: 03/04/02
Posts: 384
Loc: 508 or 207
Well noob, I can see your in a tough spot. I guess this is a tough situation and if you approach it wrong you better get comfortable on the couch.

Here's my thing, if the company owners ask your wife to take the job, what would she say? By telling her bosses the answer she gave you, she could really mess up her future with the center. Think of it, if you had a job canidate that told you she didn't want the job because it would be too much responsibility, what would you think of that employee? Would they have a job with you much longer or would that affect performance evaluations and the like? Now seeing that your wife has a masters degree I can tell she's no slacker, so is there another reason why she doesn't want the job? Also she may need to take the job inorder to stay employed. Think about it, what if some new person comes in and basically doesn't like the job your wife is doing? A bitter co-worker or someone with an agenda takes the job? Life is all about corporate politics and sometimes we gotta step up to the plate inorder to stay employed.

Another issue is if this offer comes and goes, will she be kicking herself in the ass down the road. Lets say the heating system in your house goes, or the foundation starts to crack, or if the car's electrical system craps the bed. Maybe one of your kids gets hurt or needs some random useless organ removed, or if one of you gets hurt? Could you afford any of that in the current situation?

Maybe you're taking the wrong approach. Ask her what responisbilitys she'd be taking on and what she would do of she took the job. Maybe you and the kids could offer to help hold things down on the home front to take pressure off her during the work week. Cook, Clean, go grocery shopping, or whatever household stuff comes up. Maybe you could learn how to give massages and some interior design stuff to make the home more like a safe haven after a hard days work. Might take some work on your part but who knows.

Now I'm going to offer my second opinion, but this time I will be channeling the ghost of famous actor and take no shit man's man Gregory Peck....
.......
What the fuck is your wife doing out of the kitchen you pussy? Be a man and stand up to the broad, show her who's boss. Gonna let a dame get the best of you, huh bet your a fa....

Ok well enough of that, you can't go through life being a slack artist, give her the goods, and remember two in the pink one in the stink.
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#5549 - 10/30/04 09:22 PM Re: Work
Gremelin Offline

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Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 7193
Loc: Portland, OR; USA
bish, he stated that she'd expect him to take the job no matter what, then at the same time she's pussy'ing out saying it's too much responsibility..

Myself I say take the fucking job; I mean christ, yeh a little bit of responsibility with a large payment; they kinda make it worth it...

I'd take the job in a heartbeat; and for that much cash if Icey told me she didn't want to do it because it'd be too much responsibility she'd be in the ER right now having my boot removed from her ass...

I agree with Deffy, if I asked an employee if they'd like to take a promotion and they gave me some shit reason like "well that's too much responsibility" they wouldn't ever be asked by me again as I feel that if it's too much responsibility for $20,000 more they can lick my ass...

I also think that she has no right to sit and nag you about finances if she has a change to make a hell of a lot more than you do; i mean she's being a nagger when she can solve every last one of your financial problems in 20 seconds... I mean shit, she'd be working the same amout of time for double the cash; jesus christ...

No offence, but I agree with deffy in this reguards; what is YOUR wife doing out of the kitchen? Jesus, once again, 20k? I'd let the president lick my balls for 20k...
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#5550 - 10/30/04 09:26 PM Re: Work
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
You should do some reverse psychology on her. Have you asked her what she would expect of you if the shoes were on the other feet? I would be fucking pissed if Gizmo passed up a promotion. Shit he'd kill me if I did the same. I agree with James and Deffy. If she doesnt want the responsibility then she should be in the kitchen, or is that even too much responsibility for her?
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#5551 - 10/30/04 10:46 PM Re: Work
Girlie Offline
UGN Super Poster
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Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 908
Loc: In your dad's bed...
Now now icey, settle down. Sure I'm the minority again, but maybe it's because I can relate a wee bit. If her life is already really stressful (don't really know the case, just saying for instance) I can understand her not wanting to take on more responsiblities. I think it is ultimately up to her whether or not she takes the job or not considering it will be HER doing the work. Like I said before, that also means she can't bitch about not having enough money to get her hair done etc. I also think she has every right to refuse a job that she doesn't think she will enjoy. It is hell going to work at a job everyday that you can't stand, yes...no one likes going to work, but some jobs are worse than others and if you've had a really shitty job that you dreaded going to day after day you know what I'm talking about. I like Deffy's idea of talking about relieving some of the other pressures of her by helping out more with household chores etc.

I dunno, my opinions on theses types of things have always differed from most everyone else. I would rather be happy then have a ton of money in the bank, but that's just me. *shrugs*
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#5552 - 10/31/04 05:04 PM Re: Work
Shinobi Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 390
Loc: Asheville, NC
If she doesn't take the job, she does NOT have the right to bitch about money anymore. By having that much extra, you could do a lot more and be happier in the long run. You are not supposed to enjoy work anyway, if you were it would be called "fun" not "work".

And yes you are probably right, you know if you were in the same situation she would give you hell non-stop if you didn't take the promotion.

In conclusion...women are evil....evil evil evil...
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#5553 - 10/31/04 07:13 PM Re: Work
Gremelin Offline

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Registered: 02/28/02
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Loc: Portland, OR; USA
Yeh, it'd be HER job and HER doing the work; however if it where HIM with the chance SHE would be the one yelling at HIM for not taking the position...

I mean, she has a chance to solve all of their financial issues with just a thought yet she decides not to and to sit and bitch; she needs decked...
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#5554 - 11/01/04 07:15 AM Re: Work
IceMyst Offline
UGN Elite Poster

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 1449
Loc: Where ever Gizmo is
But bish, she turns around and bitches at him about money. that is what has my panties in a twist. it's ok for her to say no and he cant bitch but oh she can tunr around and bitch at him. i know what it's like to have a stressful job. i have one and moving up would be even more stress. sadly i would only get $1-$5 more and hour but if it were to help relive some financial tention then i would do it. fuck the work itself. if you need money you need money. in our case it means keeping the house or being homeless. yeah the work load would suck for her but how fair is she being to her husband and family?
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#5555 - 11/01/04 04:52 PM Re: Work
Spyrios Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 03/15/04
Posts: 419
Loc: VA
Thank You guys. You know I understand about being stressed at work, when I was floating in the med for 3 solid months last year working 12 on and 12 off 7 days a week, i was stressed, but i knew what i was doing was providing for my family. I will only be in for 3 more years. I think that if she took the job that yes, she would be stressed because of it, but all of the other stress would go away, because that is the only thing that stresses us is money issues, everything else is perfect, so if she had a bad day then that would be ok because it was a bad day at work, and she wouldn't have to come home and worry about bills on top of it.
edited for clarification: I'm in the navy and there was a war last year in case you all dion't remember, lol.
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D, world destruction
Over and overture
N, do I need
Apostrophe T, need this torture?-They Might Be Giants

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#5556 - 11/04/04 12:13 PM Re: Work
Spyrios Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 03/15/04
Posts: 419
Loc: VA
Update: After all this she has decided that she will interview for the position. So keep your fingers crossed.
_________________________
D, world destruction
Over and overture
N, do I need
Apostrophe T, need this torture?-They Might Be Giants

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#5557 - 11/04/04 12:38 PM Re: Work
Gremelin Offline

Community Owner
*****

Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 7193
Loc: Portland, OR; USA
Lol; did she read our posts? hehe...
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#5558 - 11/04/04 01:49 PM Re: Work
Spyrios Offline
UGN Member

Registered: 03/15/04
Posts: 419
Loc: VA
That would have been disaterous for me, lol. This is my place to bitch, she has girlfriends, I have rants.
_________________________
D, world destruction
Over and overture
N, do I need
Apostrophe T, need this torture?-They Might Be Giants

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