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#25116 - 01/22/04 01:39 AM showering  
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Girlie Offline
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In your dad's bed...
How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look in the mirrior, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12.. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.


boys lie.

<sintax>
No we do not!!!!
</sintax>
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#25117 - 01/22/04 01:46 AM Re: showering  
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Now thats some funny Sh*t, yet so true


Unless you try something to which you have not already succeeded ~ Then you shall NEVER grow
#25118 - 01/22/04 02:08 AM Re: showering  
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Whoa...spot on. :x

#25119 - 01/22/04 07:08 AM Re: showering  
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Cornfields everywhere...
Unless your shower is in the basement (unfinished), and it's fucking cold, so you walk down to the basement with a parka, ear-muffs, gloves, etc. and turn the shower on blazing hot, then take off all your winter gear really quick and jump in before your weiner shrivels up like a prune. Oh yeah, I use one of those loofah thinigies so there.

#25120 - 01/22/04 07:58 AM Re: showering  
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Canada eh
Haha. I got that in my email a month ago. Very funny.

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#25121 - 01/25/04 02:56 PM Re: showering  
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Where ever Gizmo is
the really sad part is how true it all is especially the guy part (I grew up with only my dad, brother, and 7 male cusins. my only female cusins i didnt even know till about 3 years ago...)


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

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#25122 - 01/25/04 05:55 PM Re: showering  
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that was funny, and so damn true. ice, can you e-mail me that so i can forward it to someone?

#25123 - 01/26/04 02:15 AM Re: showering  
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You could always just copy and paste

#25124 - 01/26/04 02:49 AM Re: showering  
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Canada
hehe that was pretty funny = )


Good artists copy, great artists
steal.

-Picasso
#25125 - 01/26/04 10:32 PM Re: showering  
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Quote:
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
So I'm not the only one who does that?


"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

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#25126 - 01/27/04 07:42 AM Re: showering  
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Where ever Gizmo is
shinobi almost every guy i know makes fart noise in the shower, so no your not the only one who does that but all of us women wish u were...


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .
#25127 - 01/28/04 06:13 AM Re: showering  
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I know I know. Then I would be wanted by all woman. Not just the hairy ones...... But ya know...Thats life......

And Icemyst, you mean to tell me you have never been in the shower with no one home and farted or made farting noises to see if it was as funny?


"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

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#25128 - 01/28/04 08:44 AM Re: showering  
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Where ever Gizmo is
no i've never made farting noises but i have made animale noises among other things...


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .
#25129 - 01/28/04 08:59 AM Re: showering  
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i used to make the farting noises with my armpits when i was in the bathroom. it amused me. but then again, i'm very much like a guy. i still think jokes about farting and pooping are funny


"when you look around, you can't tell me honestly you're happy with what you see"
#25130 - 01/28/04 10:36 AM Re: showering  
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Where ever Gizmo is
i think those jokes are funny too but i try to NOT be like my brothers...


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .
#25131 - 01/28/04 02:32 PM Re: showering  
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KCRQ


(Random post used to kick my post count to 700)

Yay.

#25132 - 01/28/04 03:54 PM Re: showering  
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Gremelin Online shocked
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haha


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#25133 - 01/29/04 02:24 AM Re: showering  
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wooo, shampoo mohawks are fun


If good things lasted forever, would we realize how precious they are?
-Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes
#25134 - 01/30/04 04:51 AM Re: showering  
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Quote:
Originally posted by IceMyst:
shinobi almost every guy i know makes fart noise in the shower, so no your not the only one who does that but all of us women wish u were...
I must be a mutant, because I never felt the need to make farting noises in the shower.


No matter how complex a lock may be. Someone will always find a key.
#25135 - 01/30/04 05:43 AM Re: showering  
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ur not a mutant but the exception and most girls like the exception disgruntled


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .
#25136 - 01/30/04 08:53 AM Re: showering  
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Don't listen to her Disgruntled. Women love it when you give em shit. No matter how much they try to deny it. They do love it. Why do you think Icemyst is with gizmo!??


"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

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#25137 - 01/31/04 07:24 AM Re: showering  
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everywhere
Quote:
Originally posted by Shinobi:
Don't listen to her Disgruntled. Women love it when you give em shit. No matter how much they try to deny it. They do love it. Why do you think Icemyst is with gizmo!??
I wouldn't pick on IceMyst to much there shinobi, she might stealthfully sneak up behind you and give you a ninja wedgie!


You have to be a little crazy to keep from going insane!
#25138 - 01/31/04 04:02 PM Re: showering  
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heh icemyst is with my brother because he's the shit, and you know it:/

Not to mention women love humor, truth, ethics, morals, and a half life to break all rules to be spontanious. That's animalistic in sorts. Men like the same in women I'm assuming, that most of you don't like your girl fucking another guy, telling stupid jokes, breaking your shit, or saying naw...I don't wanna fuck right now...I just don't...or nah I once fucked a underage cock.

Role reversal for any aggrevated women out there, because it's just the same as if you replace said arguement with the male polar opposites.

We all live basically the same way, just in small differences that show big effectiveness. Liek this..we all have 99% the same dna, it's the 1% that makes you you, and me me. The same that makes bush him, and saddam in our custody. I'll hold onto my beliefs that their are women out there like...well kinda like sam, I know more names I could use, but no one here knows these other womenz. They are a sudo-h/p/v/a/c a woman that can adapt to the scene, in many natures, that likes control, feeds on anger, and loves to be spontanious at some times traditional at others. Aka a complex, but general woman, as in someone you can be a friend, a lover to, and trust. I've seen about in the lower 10's in my life, and I'm damn glad gizmo found sammy. Cause I care, and I know his pain. So seeing his pleasure in finding love...was...well...*wipes a tear*. Btw Yea...shin won't just get a wedgie from icemyst, heh not to mention what he gets won't just be from her, or from giz, but also from me ;/ I breath the same as my brother, and my sister in law and in life. I hold onto others that run from them after anything that offends them. Heh but of course shin is just jokin around:) I just am honest to a point of almost :| straight faced seriousness, then I breakout, and say something like....FART NOISES IN THE SHOWER? WAA? like...no I heh...*blush* sing in the shower, and sorta....*blush, look away*...dance...a little...:/ it gets better but that's a no know for ppl here. heh.


"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
#25139 - 01/31/04 05:38 PM Re: showering  
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ok another reply, because my last kinda sucked, first sammy, heh animal noises eh? Kinky, I make growls, and barks sometimes. Heh. If that's weird good.

2nd..that whole shower thing is so fuckin stereotypical, why the sexs were ever divided I won't guess but since the gods make gemini two halfs they've been waring, bickering, and debating. wasting a fuck alot of time, esp on things like not knowing what you want but choosing something anyway. Knowing what you want, but then not wanting it. All that shit, it's simple, not complex, and ppl need to stop thinking all this difference is really needed. Were too alike, and too damn sexi together to not be self assured that it's all good.. anyway.

How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. (I bring in my folded clothes from my 1800s dresser, or from hanger, but fold them anyway, and place aside the sink on a dry spot. I then grab a towl fold it in 1/3's, and put it on the door hook. I take off my clothes....next step)

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. (heh already in the bathroom, I like privacy, plus I have no hamper, I wash my own clothes, do dishes, lots of house work, giz knows this as he's seen me do some wonderful house cleaning)

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups(yes...yes I look at my muscles, and my body, and think about working out, and toning. I admire my body too)

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. (got a sponge bob square pants sponge, a long bath scruber the ones that look like hair brushs. I need no face cloth I use my hands with neutragene, and 2 other acne cleansers/exfoliants/rehydrators, I have a poofy loofa, and I dunno what why a lava stone would be good, but maybe I'd get one if I knew:)

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. (I use finese, conditioner, some bath, and body works stuff, sometimes treetea, and sometimes peach or other fruit smelling shampoos. plus most have lots of vitamins:) cucumber is doesn't smell that good to me, but...they make sage shampoo maybe? without the cucumber? )

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
(yes double washing is good for many reasons, to make shure hair, and skin on the scalp is fully clean, sometimes one scrubing doesn't do, and also you get a half soft/clean hair feeling if you don't. but yea I got clean issues kinda too, so that part)

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
(once a week or month depending I'll condition extra with a special enhancer like that yes, but only if my hair gets uber dry, I have....well mutt hair, it's like brownish red. It's always soft, curled to the side, and it just doesn't need extra care like 1-3 feet of hair does:D

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
(4 different face cleaner/pore openers and such like I said, plus a cloth scrub once I'm out by the sink if needed, and yes until red. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 2, sometimes ten, we don't all have 3 hours for a shower when your in a rush sometimes. and um apple scrubs are better;P)

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
(I prefer dove nutriem, the fruit, and nut, and such body washes left me dry or coarse skinned in the winter, so I use that year round.)

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
(and facial scrub, or exfoliant/cleaner. also off inner ear, nose, ear lobes, back of ears(yea I didn't need teaching from my mom when I was younger, I always scrub my ears, and behind.) also the back of my neck, my chin, and front of my neck, full face, brow, lips sometimes too the exfoliant peels any small dead skin, like from I dunno my lips peeling at all. It also sometimes just helps the shade of my lips.)

11. Shave armpits and legs.
(unbenounced to alot of women I guess, some guys shave also. partially their chest, shaping, and heh not the legs, but you can try to guess. women have short army, and wrist hair in most cases. Most men are fine with that. alot of women like men who shave...esp not the legs;/ In bed. Other then that, alot of men will try something new their wife or girlfriend wants them to, so uh down under is an option, just like I know some women that don't shave their legs. really, to some men, that's sex, sometimes, and sometimes not. along with in other countries, and here, some women don't shave their armpits, and yes that can be sexi too.)

12. Turn off shower.
(nope first I cup water to clean all the fluffy soap off of the walls, and then I do the same to the curtain(which does have sticker plug things that hold it in place, and it is always lined up, and pressed perfectly during my shower start period, so no leaking of water kthx.)

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex (no need to squeegee off the wet surfaces because I have a fan that is really powerful, and I take REALLY hot showers, so as soon as I open the door like 30 seconds, it's all evaporated. The mold issue is do to collection of water if you leave on the fan till about 5-10 minutes after the bathroom mirror(if full) is unfogged, the mold is not a issue.)

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
(yea....I'm 6'8 ....I'd recomend myself using a towel the size of iraq, but when I get out of the shower I also have a towel from the last day that is with 2 or 3 others not yet washed, that is used ash a red carpet for my walk to the sink, I dry over it. Hence no wet floor. They are all 3 folded at all times at the edge of the shower for use. My shower also has a bath mat in it. but the wraping of hair is again the 1-3foot hair thing, mine is less then 1/4 of an inch so...heh after a few scrubs it's dry)

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
(yes check body for zits, moles, and any scratches, use lotion, and axe, hilfiger colonge, after shave(shave if wanted too, I keep it trim or styled, or shaved) tweezing...no need, my nose hairs don't grow, my eyebrows are...for lack of a better word just like my eye lashes...heh perfect...if that fits, many women, including family have commented on my eyelashes heh, longer then normal, and just well I like butterflies. so does my body. but I notice alot how off my freckles, nail colors, moles, beauty marks, and some veins are. I liek that, I liek any imperfections in my body. I liek it when ppl are honest like I'm being this whole time too, it makes me happy. But...it's fuckin kind of well that shy thing to share things)

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
(heh, no dress, but shirt, stylin boxers, sometimes a fuzzy cap, and jammies. then I procede to lay on my blanketed bed, with the lights out, and geek out. My jeans all folded with stuff into them lay on my lazy boy for use, next to my sox. my shoes out by the door.)

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
(heh I'm shy with my body usually so meh.)

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
(oddly no)

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
(no, and no wife, and no woo-woo, sept maybe a choochoo fourplay sexual thing;/)

3. Look in the mirrior, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.
(I have no lack of size, or ugliness imo about my "wiener" so I have no need to look at all the time. Scratching my ass...I do very little.)

4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
(love the simple take, just wash, and get in.)

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. (if that's saying women don't clean their nose other then with tissues I'm scared of that insinuation. being that alergies cause buildup of coarse, and fine mucus in the back, and top of the nose. So if your not softening that with water and cleaning it there...what are you doing to clean it? heh tissues don't work..sorry...I've tried, you bleed. Also after showering I use three tissues alone, to cork screw clean my nose, yes...all of this is odd, or gross, or tmi if you want to say, but so's all the rest of this shit, it's being hygenic, and if your not gonna clean your nose, then I don't wanna look up it, or have it wiped on my shirt:/ k?)

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
(as per said I make wolf, dog, barking sounds, I sing, dance, and sometimes hum. Also I tune my vocals in the shower. The warm water helps:\)

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
(what...your saying you don't? heh...ok now I might just get a little bit more scared. HYGENE IS OUR FRIEND! heh...really if your not taking the time to clean those millions of skin cells or whatever(alot of them hundreds of thousands or millions I forget), not to mention bacteria, and germs built up from sweat, and such. Then your not appreciating your bodies cleanliness or your partners during intercourse esp. Just cause it feels a little good to wash, heh that's a dualty, women..same, it's still hygenic, and needed.)

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
(I don't use hand soap, and I have very little of those "butt hairs", heh coarse..as if a man hasn't seen coarse hairs in a women's loofa before?)

11. Shampoo your hair.
(and condition, and a 2nd time like said)

12.. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
(heh If I could, I used to, but up, if your saying, a woman never shapes her hair or plays around with it during any long shower...ok then..)

13. Pee.
(heh, warm water, some women pee on men when cuming or orgasming, *shrug*, meh.)

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
(yea..that's the end of a shower, but I also clean like I said)

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
(heh, fully dry off, inside my ears, all over, the fan ads to drying moisture too. no water on the floor, as per said suction thingys, and arranging of curtain never fails, so no hanging out of tub)

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
(as per said, wiener is of sufficient size, and shape color..all that...so no need to admire, but yes on the checking testicles for lumps, just as women check for breast lumps...usually.)

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
(leave shower curtain open yes, closing it means the next person just has to open it, that's like the seat up thing, you leave it down, we leave it up, equal bargain, other then that I sit, and stand so blah. No mat on floor, towels, and as persaid very tidy. Light off, fan off once drying, and moisture recduction is done.)

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'sound again.
(no shirt, boxers, jammies, no flashing or shaking of "wiener", or train sounds, sept both in bed...sometimes, when playing, like growling,
biting, and rawring. no wife, no towel needed.)

19. Throw wet towel on bed.
(no throw self on bed next to laptop/pda, near lazy boy, semi moist towel goes folded with the others by the tub, or washed.:/)

Yea so that's too the whole populaus, not any one person, and um yea I'm a freak. Kthx in advance.


"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
#25140 - 01/31/04 05:49 PM Re: showering  
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Where ever Gizmo is
How IceMyst takes a shower:

1. tells gizmo that she's going to take a shower

2. 10 mins later after watching more tv turns shower on

3. tries to find cd to listen to cause the country station changed and now sucks.

4. 10 mins after turing shower on she finally takes cloths off & throws cloths on the ever growing pile of cloths) and hops in (side note, takes glasses in the shower if shaving. if not who cares if i can see)

5. sings along to japeness music that gizmo hates.

6. shampo's hair then soaps up then puts in conditioner (condition is only used on special occations cause it's expensive)

7. turns shower off and dries off (get bathroom soaking wet in the process).

8. puts new cloths on and air dries air.

9. tells gizmo to take a shower knowing there's only 5 mins of hot water left.

total time for IceMyst's shower 1 hour maybe more...


*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way*

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