#28326 - 10/20/05 07:48 PM
Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,255
§intå×
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,255
Likes: 3
Maryland
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To my wife:
We have two small kids. You constantly complain (albeit jokingly to everyone that will listen) that I don't lift a finger to help you around the house. I emphatically disagree, and I'm hurt that you don't notice or appreciate what I do to make your life easier.
I work a full time job while you stay home (yeah, I know, that's a full time job too and I appreciate that so shut your yapper and let me finish my point). When I come home after working 8 stressful hours for an [censored] boss and then sitting in traffic for another hour with nothing to listen to on the radio but the same Black Eyed Peas song played over and over again on every goddamn station, I appreciate that you've taken care of the kids all day, so I really do make a conscious effort to let you rest.
I clear the dinner table. I wash the dishes. I get the kids ready for bed. I brush their teeth and I tuck them in. When they need something, I get up to help them. I put out the trash. I put out the recyclables. I fold the laundry when it needs to be done - I'd even do a few loads if you'd ask me to. I pick up the kids toys and put them away. I sweep up my toenail clippings. I make sure that when I shave, I don't leave little hairs all around the sink. I keep the shower curtain inside the tub when I shower to help keep the bathroom clean. I sit down to pee so the seat is always down, there are never any pubes on the rim and no pee drips on the floor. I replace the toilet paper when it runs out. I go to the supermarket when asked to buy your tampons. I mow the lawn. I clean out the fireplace. I rake the leaves. I put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher. I sweep the street. I give the kids baths. I shovel the snow. I replace the paper towels in the kitchen when they run out. I clean the garage. I make the beds when I first notice they are not done yet. I lift the couches for you when you vacuum. I give you backrubs at your request. I always make sure there is gas in the cars. I clean out the gutters. I put away my clean laundry. I sweep the patio. I replace the sponge in the kitchen when it starts to smell. I get the seasonal clothes down from the attic. I trim the hedges. In the summer, I don't mind heating up leftover pasta because you and the kids are still at the beach with the other moms and kids after I've worked all day and you've ordered a pizza to eat at the beach for yourselves. I help the kids with their home work. I read to them. I set the clock on the VCR. I make sure that after I wack off in the shower I wash it down the drain. I put out the kids cereal for them the night before so you don't have to get up and get them breakfast in the morning. I load the film in the camera because you can't figure it out. I rub your feet when you ask me to. I change the battery in the smoke alarm. I program all the channels on all the tv's. I get the plunger when your hairy dump has clogged the toilet. When I blow my nose in the shower, I make sure no snot gets on the curtain. I take off my shoes when I come in the house to keep the floors clean. I clean out the expired items from the fridge. I make mixed music cds for you. I do all the required heavy lifting.
I make every effort a guy could make to not subject you to living in the kind of filth a man's natural instincts would allow us to live in. And yet, your perception is that I do nothing. Then you treat me like you're doing me a favor after I have to beg for sex (I won't even mention that I haven't had a blowjob in about ten years)...and I still continue to show you affection, pay you compliments and tell you "I love you" (I haven't heard that phrase from you without the word "too" at the end of it in many, many years)
I just wanted to take this time to say thank you for appreciating me, and Merry [censored] Christmas.
Love, Your husband.
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#28327 - 10/21/05 06:23 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 7,202
Gremelin
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Portland, OR; USA
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#28328 - 10/21/05 07:58 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 478
Artic Warrior
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She will probably explode from anger before she finishes, but I like it.
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#28331 - 10/25/05 04:34 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Artic Warrior
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yeah thats alot of things sintax, do you really get around to doing all of them. Cause I dont think I could. But then again Im not married with children but if thats a sign of things to come all the more reason to enjoy the single life.
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#28338 - 10/25/05 04:09 PM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Artic Warrior
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There has to be some upside to getting married and having children right. You must enjoy it. Why is it that we only ever hear about the bad bits, cause this makes it sound like hell! Or is it cause the bad bits are interesting. Sintax, there has to be something good out of this type of commitment????
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#28340 - 10/25/05 09:03 PM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,449
IceMyst
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Where ever Gizmo is
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I love having a kid. A pic of my son on my badge holder is one of the few things that gets me thru work each day i go. and marriage isnt so bad. it has it's ups and downs but what do you expect when you know you're stuck with that person for as long as that ring is on...
Ask Giz, our marriage isnt perfect and half the time we just want to kill one another but since i started working again that's gotten a lot better. i love the [censored] and he makes me happy, which isnt an easy feet. i know when i get home each night i have someone to [censored] to about my suck [censored] day at work and then i can hear him tell me when cute things our son did. little things like that make it worth it, at least to me. just being able to turn my head and see him holding our son makes all the bad moments worth it. granted there will be more fights but what couple doesnt fight at some point?
*Hell hath no fury like a womens anger and damn be the fool who gets in her way* Donate to the "Baby Trey's Digital Camera" fund here .
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#28341 - 10/25/05 09:09 PM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,255
§intå×
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,255
Likes: 3
Maryland
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#28343 - 10/25/05 11:58 PM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 478
Artic Warrior
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LMAO your so dead giz! Anyway Im going to a concert (The Used). Have like a 6hr drive to get to and major city, in this case Melbourne. Byeeee
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#28345 - 10/29/05 10:19 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 7,202
Gremelin
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Community Owner

Joined: Feb 2002
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Portland, OR; USA
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#28346 - 10/31/05 03:09 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 478
Artic Warrior
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Originally posted by Gizmo: uNF wats that mean? The concert was great, everyone always looks so cool (like some are really creepy and some guys look so emo but then you have the really cool ones). Ive fallen inlove with all thier songs again. I was like a metre away from Quinn (there was a window between us) and I gave him the rock on sign and he waved and smiled back form inside his bus which didnt even stop after the concert were some groupies and fans had gathered. I was one of the only ones to get thier attention cause oh long story but in the end we stopped the bus in the middle of like a major road. So cool! (and he doesnt puke anymore)
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#28347 - 10/31/05 10:59 AM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,136
pergesu
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Pimpin the Colorizzle
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According to Wikipedia: unf, an onomatopoeia for sexual intercourse, possibly an acronym for Universal Noise of [censored] Also I heard a great analogy for marriage. 50% of American marriages end in divorce...so this comedian was like, "Yeah what if you went skydiving and they said 'Its fun but about half the time the parachute doesnt open.'" It's totally like that man. Half the time the [censored] cleans you out and takes "half" of your assets (which works out to be like 75% or so...because apparently a non-working woman is more fit to take care of the kids than the guy who busts his [censored] 8 hours a day over the course of their 18 years). The other half of the time you're locked in a monogymous relationship (which often only applies to you..if you cheat on her, you're a dirtbag. If she cheats on you, it's because you didn't fulfill her emotional needs and she had no choice in the matter). Maybe like .5% of the time you're married (so 1% of the time you don't get divorced) it doesn't make your life a living hell and actually makes it better. I'm biased, I realize this. My dad consistently works 60 hours a week, and at the beginning of his career 80 hour weeks were down weeks for him. My mom gambled away their entire life's savings, cheated with multiple men, and then managed to get 3/4 of all his future earnings because she got custody of my brother and I, as well as the fact that she supported his career. Marriage in America is [censored] horrible, and on the off chance I do shack up, there's going to be a 2000 page long prenup.
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#28349 - 11/01/05 03:27 PM
Re: Funny letter from husband to wife
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 478
Artic Warrior
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My room
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I wonder what the divorce rate is in Australia. We seem to be chasing you guys on all that is bad so I wouldnt be suprised if its like 50% here too. So far getting married sounds like after a first year of happy and romantic type lifestyle full of love and bla bla bla ends with an eternity of displeasurable life with the women you love. But I guess when you fall in love you carnt stop it. Im sure if you fell in love with the non-existant persona/sex the parachute gave you, you might consider taking that skydive.
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Okay WTF?
by HenryMiring on 09/27/17 08:45 AM
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