If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix.

Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.

Unix is computer-scientology, not computer science.

Fixing Unix is easier than living with NT.

Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully. Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are. Unix: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly', it's 'Proactively User-Hostile' !

On the twelfth day I left it, my Unix gave to me: Twelve boards a-blowing; Eleven chips a-smoking; Ten ports a-jamming; Nine floppies frying; Eight gettys dying; Seven blown partitions; Six bad controllers; Five core dumps; Four bad blocks; Three heads crashed; Two faulty tapes; And a burnt-out V.D.T. On the thirteenth day I started adapting my Nintendo for the VME bus.

Three people can take efficient care of a unix system as long as two of them are dead

You can't kill zombie processes because they're ALREADY DEAD!

The UNIX administrator's view of sex:
unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; comm; umount; sleep

Sun has engineers; IBM has suits

Me? I'm 28 years old... in hex

A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
D is for dd, the command that does all.
E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and
F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
G is for grep, a clever detective, while
H is for halt, which may seem defective.
I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and
J is for join, which nobody uses.
K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while
L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
M is for more, from which less was begot, and
N is for nice, which it really is not.
O is for od, which prints out things nice, while
P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and
R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while
T is for true, which does very little.
U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and
V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while
X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and
Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
-- THE ABC'S OF UNIX

Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car:

The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
The systems analyst said, "No, no, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it."
The programmer said, "OK, but first I think we should get back in and see if it does it again."

Linux is user friendly; it's just picky about who it chooses to be it's friends.

I like:
Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.

Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are. Unix: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly', it's 'Proactively User-Hostile' !

The UNIX administrator's view of sex:
unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; comm; umount; sleep

Here are some quotes from the bash.org website which I found pretty damn hilarious.

Top Quotes

I would paste a few here, but its worth just going to the link and reading them yourself.

ROFLMAO

<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.


I am [censored] doing this.

I am laughing so hard I am tearing up. First read this

#104383 +(3390)- [X]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me [censored], I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?


Now read this


BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me adult content.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

yeh i love those

Well it took me a bit to read, seeing as I keep getting disrupted by the instructor, but damn was it worth it................