A friend of mine sent this to me. Hope you guys/gals enjoy it as much as I did.
My Darn Good Resume. Accomplishments as President
By GEORGE W. BUSH
The White House. USA
* I attacked and took over two countries.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
* I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history.
* I set an economic for the most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
* I set an all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stockmarket.
* I am the first president in US history to enter the with a criminal record.
* In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
* I set the record for the most campaign fundraising trips by any president in US history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
* I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in history.
* I set the all-time for the most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
* I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
* I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other president in US history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* I presided over the highest gasline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* I cut healthcare benefits for war vetrans.
* I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneouly take to the streets to protest me ( 15 million people), shattering the record against any person in the history of mankind.
* I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
* I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The poorest multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.)
* I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneouly go bankrupt.
* I presided over the biggest corporate stockmarket fraud any market in any country in the history of the world.
* I am the first president in US history to oder a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* I set the all-time record for the biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in the US history.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
* I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of Congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
* I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* I withdrew from the International Criminal Court.
* I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations inspectors acess during the 2002 US elections.
* I am the all-time US (and world) record for most corporate campaign donations.
* The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kennth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
* I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
* I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the codes to Air Force 1).
* I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
* I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
* I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
* I set the all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US Law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for gov't contracts.
* I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
* In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War.
* I entered office with the strongest economy in Us history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. record unemployment being the most recent achievement.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
* I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas drug conviction has been erased and not available).
* I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All the minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and are unavailable for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.